Rain, rain go away

I cant handle this rain anymore. Summer is my favorite season. Its the one season thats puts life into my step, I feel like myself in the summer. But right now I couldnt be more depressed. I have no job, nothing to do and I am STUCK in the house, because if you venture too far away from it you might get stuck in one of the daily terrental downpours that have plauged the northeast for the past month. I love Oregon, its beautiful, but I dont live there for this reason alone. This constant insesant rain. Well also there is minimal theatre there. But still its this weather that keeps me away.
On another note, I am having this problem. I am at a crossroads in life. I want to move forward you know become the person I would like to become, move forward in my carreer, but I feel like I keep getting placed back into a niche. The small companies dont like me because I have worked with too many larger places, but I am not qualified enough to get the jobs I would like at the larger companies. I am pretty sure every 20-something goes through this at one time in your life. When are you quailified enough to take the step to move to next level. Are you ever? I had a professor in college tell us that she was waiting for the right time to have a baby, but then she realized that there was never a right time for these kinds of changes in your life and you just have to go for it and then deal with the consiquences. I truly believe in that, but what if you feel that the step is too much to fast, do you do it anyway, or do you wait...and if you wait are you going to just stay were you are and then never move forward. But then I keep telling myself the right thing will come at the right time, I just home I am ready for that when it comes.
See this rain has given me too much time to dwell on things. I cant take it anymore.

Time for Rest.

You know what I have come to the decision, that no matter what you do, whether it be your favorite thing in the whole world or you do it to make money, You always need a day off. I am on my way to nine days without a day off and I am on my last drip of energy. I just cant do it anymore. I dont know think it is ok that anyone should go a long time without a single day off to not think about work and not go to work. Every person in my cast is at each others throats and they are ready for a rest. The worst thing is when you realize everyone is as cranky and tired as you because then you just get on each others nerves.

On top of not having a day off, we are in the midst of moving. I love moving because I think it gives you good change in your life that I cant live without, but there has been a few bumps in our moving road and I just need a day when I can choose what my day entails.

Weight Loss

Nothing is more discouraging about losing weight than the fact that you always lose the best weight first. I must say seeing my bust line get smaller is very depressing. Also the incesant soreness is killing me, I could barely walk to the bathroom last night. I almost fell down the steps trying to pee, which is kinda scary when you are pretty much sleepwalking.

Lesson in Politeness

Nothing agitates me more than when someone is asking you to do something for them and they ask you in a rude condescending way. There are only so many times that, that can happen and you can respond nicely. Eventually a person will snap. I did and you know what it was a well deserved snap. I understand stressful situations I am stage manager for heaven sakes, any performance or tech is a stressful situation no matter how many times you have done it and no matter how big or small the show is. But when it is a stressful situation and you are in charge of alot of people, a little politeness goes a long way. It will make it a better working situation, for not just me but for everyone.

On another note, me and AJ were getting in the car today and it looked a little strange to me. I never like when he parks in the end spot on the street, so I got worried. Not to worry AJ I quietly walked around the front of the car before I got in. Lo and Behold, I was right. Someone had slammed into AJ's front bumper. Luckily his bumper is pretty strong and it wasn't completely torn off, but it was sure screwed up. I first looked for a note, NOPE, why would I have even thought that someone would leave one. Then one of the neighbors who is not a typical pennsportian comes driving down the street, faster than usual. I was worried so I hoped back on the sidewalk, he parked behind us and jumped out of his car. He proceeded to tell us that he was trying to catch up with us before we left. He heard what had happened, caught the driver, took down his license plate before the driver quickly sped off. Also the car was a delivery truck that said the business on the side of it. What an idiot!? So here is a shout out to my nice across the street neighbor for getting our back on this one.

Valentine's Day

I didnt want to do it, but here is the obligatory Valentine's Day post.

You know what I hate about Valentine's Day, even though I have someone and have had a Valentine for a while now, the day still makes me sad. AJ and I agreed that we wouldnt do anything for each other because we are too broke, but still seeing people get flowers and chocolate and going out to dinner with their lovers makes me feel lonely. I dont know why, maybe I am just tired and burnt out from not having a day off in a while. Who knows, but a wave of Valentine's Day sadness has wafted over me today. I think I just need a day of fun and not work.

Worry...

You know you truly care about someone when you are more nervous for them and what they are doing, than your own final run thru. Although I dont really do much during this run it turns out everytime I turn around the small list just keeps getting longer and longer, soon I will have a busy show.

Also nothing is worse than when you are working backstage during a show and you are supposed to be ABSOLUTLEY QUITE, and you CANT STOP SNEEZING! Because it is impossible to sneeze quietly and when you try to sneeze quietly, it is EVEN LOUDER!

What is going on!?

So do you ever look around at what is happening and think, "Really?” Well that was me on Saturday.
I woke up early to go to rehearsal nothing unusual it was Saturday. But I found that I had lost my bus pass last night, so I had to scrounge up something. Luckily I had a token and I found 75 cent in my purse. All good, crisis adverted. I get to work and one of the singers comes in and says to me and another singer, "You would not believe what happened to me on my walk over here." Now I am not thinking, I mean it is 9:50am on a Saturday morning; there aren’t many people out and about. Well apparently that is what this homeless man thought, too. She proceeds to tell us a story about how she was going into the corner market to get breakfast and she sees a man without pants on. She thought ok well that’s weird until she accidentally investigated further to see, not only did this man have no pants on, but he was giving himself a hand job in the window of the corner market. SERIOUSLY!!!! I was like aww man I felt so bad for her, I mean what kind of start to a day is that!

But the day got better, the director gave us a long lunch and took me and the asst. director to lunch at monk's, unfortunately we were working so we did not get to enjoy there luxurious beer list. I don’t think I could have anyways since it is sooooo hot in the rehearsal room I would have fallen asleep.

Then the director lets us out early and since I lost my bus pass I have to go to the train station get a new pass for next week and some tokens for the rest of the day. This all goes off without a hitch, meanwhile I am making my way from the regional rail station to the subway and I am thinking how the transition from regional rail to subway is very interesting, because it goes from regular train station to kinda trashy in like one turn. Then I witness why I am thinking this...all the while grandmaster flash's song "The Message" is playing on my ipod and never before did I understand what he was saying-lyrics to follow...I see this woman pushing a man up against the pillar in the subway station. Me and the lady in front of me stop short in fear that this man is getting mugged and we are going to have to call the cops. But he was not getting mugged at all. In fact he was probably enjoying what was happening to him. This homeless (I assume by looks) woman proceeds to shove her gloved (not medical, but winter gloved) finger up this homeless (I assume) man’s butt. Then pulls out her finger and the only way I could believe that this was in fact what I saw was when she says to another man in the subway, "Do you want one too colonoscopy, butt check?” I have never walked away from the situation faster in my life, because I DID NOT want her asking me for one too. I mean how nasty can you get. I understand that some people do not have homes and still need sexual pleasure, but come on go somewhere more private, GROSS!
I get on the subway, thank god...then I get to my stop and proceed to get off the subway. As I am getting of the subway, at you know not a trashy stop, since it is the independence hall stop, But I hear screaming, and as I turn to take the stairwell that will put me on the right side of the street, I watch a man getting arrested. Who knows what he did, but he did not like the handcuffs that were being placed on him, so to counteract this, he proceeds to cry so hard that he is drooling; with his face slammed against the glass wall he was next to. As I look at him I think I might know him, he just looked like a normal scruffy skater kid. Then he starts screaming, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME YOU DON’T KNOW ME? I WILL SIT DOWN, BUT YOU ARE BREAKING MY WRIST!” I once again just walked very fast out of the subway and just hoped that my bus would come soon and I could get home to get a VERY strange day.

Grandmaster Flash –The Message Lyrics
Broken glass everywhere
People pissing on the stairs, you know they just
Dont care
I cant take the smell, I cant take the noise
Got no money to move out, I guess I got no choice
Rats in the front room, roaches in the back
Junkies in the alley with a baseball bat
I tried to get away, but I couldnt get far
Cause the man with the tow-truck repossessed my car
Chorus:
Dont push me, cause Im close to the edge
Im trying not to loose my head
Its like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

Standing on the front stoop, hangin out the window
Watching all the cars go by, roaring as the breezes
Blow
Crazy lady, livin in a bag
Eating out of garbage piles, used to be a fag-hag
Search and test a tango, skips the life and then go
To search a prince to see the last of senses
Down at the peepshow, watching all the creeps
So she can tell the stories to the girls back home
She went to the city and got so so so ditty
She had to get a pimp, she couldnt make it on her
Own

Chorus:
Its like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder
How I keep from goin under

My brothers doing fast on my mothers t.v.
Says she watches to much, is just not healthy
All my children in the daytime, dallas at night
Cant even see the game or the sugar ray fight
Bill collectors they ring my phone
And scare my wife when Im not home
Got a bum education, double-digit inflation
Cant take the train to the job, theres a strike
At the station
Me on king kong standin on my back
Cant stop to turn around, broke my sacroiliac
Midrange, migraine, cancered membrane
Sometimes I think Im going insane, I swear I might
Hijack a plane!

Chorus:

My son said daddy I dont wanna go to school
Cause the teachers a jerk, he must think Im a
Fool
And all the kids smoke reefer, I think itd be
Cheaper
If I just got a job, learned to be a street sweeper
I dance to the beat, shuffle my feet
Wear a shirt and tie and run with the creeps
Cause its all about money, aint a damn thing
Funny
You got to have a con in this land of milk and
Honey
They push that girl in front of a train
Took her to a doctor, sowed the arm on again
Stabbed that man, right in his heart
Gave him a transplant before a brand new start
I cant walk through the park, cause its crazy
After the dark
Keep my hand on the gun, cause they got me on the
Run
I feel like an outlaw, broke my last fast jaw
Hear them say you want some more, livin on a
Seesaw

Chorus:

A child was born, with no state of mind
Blind to the ways of mankind
God is smiling on you but hes frowning too
Cause only God knows what you go through
You grow in the ghetto, living second rate
And your eyes will sing a song of deep hate
The places you play and where you stay
Looks like one great big alley way
Youll admire all the number book takers
Thugs, pimps, pushers and the big money makers
Driving big cars, spending twenties and tens
And you wanna grow up to be just like them
Smugglers, scrambles, burglars, gamblers
Pickpockets, peddlers and even pan-handlers
You say Im cool, Im no fool
But then you wind up dropping out of high school
Now youre unemployed, all null n void
Walking around like youre pretty boy floyd
Turned stickup kid, look what you done did
Got send up for a eight year bid
Now your man is took and youre a may tag
Spend the next two years as an undercover fag
Being used and abused, and served like hell
Till one day you was find hung dead in a cell
It was plain to see that your life was lost
You was cold and your body swung back and forth
But now your eyes sing the sad sad song
Of how you lived so fast and died so young